Koko kertomus
Marie-Cécile has experienced other ayahuasca sessions before. During the first night of this retreat, she waits a long time before feeling a connection. Then, as she considers another dose, a pleasant floating sensation arrives. She stays with that feeling and does not go to collect the drink at that moment.
A stronger piece of music brings what she calls a shower of love. She cries and describes a feeling so intense that her chest seems too small to hold it. At the first sharing circle, she recounts these images without giving them a definitive interpretation.
On the second night, she wants to stay close to her emotions. The beginning feels gentle, like an intense meditation with the music. As she goes to take another dose, looks and smiles make her want to laugh. Later, the sounds take on an unfamiliar strength and depth.
That intensity becomes difficult. She feels as though she is falling and stones are coming down on her, and calls for help. She then recognises fear, including the fear of being afraid. Saying that she is afraid allows her to hear that emotion differently. She emphasises how much the support she receives matters through that passage.
The evening eventually becomes calmer. Without describing visions at that moment, she recounts feeling the music in several dimensions. She is struck by its beauty and cries with gratitude. In the morning, she says she wants to try to meet fear rather than hold it at a distance, knowing that support is present.
At an ayahuasca retreat, Marie-Cécile chooses to say little at the final sharing circle. She does not want to revisit the experience and is unsure of her memories. She openly describes how difficult it is to tell.
She gives a few points from that third night: an initial floating sensation, then a very strong, long experience after the second dose. One final memory also returns, connected with the love of an aunt and a grandmother. She does not know whether she was still seeing visions or already dreaming. She remembers crying, then gives thanks.
