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Loïc comes to discover ayahuasca. He did not want to try the experience without a considered setting. He has already experienced mushrooms and describes himself as a researcher: he observes, analyses and compares. He tries to arrive without expectations. But deep down, a question remains: will he find what he already knows? He would like to see what this new experience will show him.
On the first night, he feels that nothing is being shown to him. On the second, the same. On the last evening, with the mushrooms he says he feels strongly connected to, he still does not have the psychedelic journey he had imagined. Yet he makes clear that he was not frustrated, even from the first evening. He did not insist on seeing something at any cost.
To describe that final experience, he speaks of presences in the darkness: the eye of the mushroom, the Bufo toad, ayahuasca. These are his images for an inner experience. The darkness then takes on another meaning in his account. He no longer feels like an observer. The man who wanted to analyse what he would be shown describes a moment beyond his familiar points of reference.
He borrows the image of probability from quantum physics to express the sensation. It is his metaphor, not a scientific explanation of what happened. Then he finds a simpler sentence: he wanted to see, but there is no need to see. We hear a shift here: looking for something familiar, then recognising an experience that did not take the expected form.
In the circle, Loïc also speaks of the strength of the group. He says they became one body. He describes how they gradually got to know one another, sometimes through a glance, sometimes through a short conversation. He speaks of understanding and compassion. What he takes away is therefore not limited to what he had hoped to see during the nights. His story also holds those encounters, and this way of recognising what was lived, even when it happened differently from what he expected.
What Loïc describes is his experience alone. Every person's journey is different. Thank you for listening. This was Ayahuasca Stories.
