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At an ayahuasca retreat, Alain waits so long that he begins to doubt. He describes the second night as fantastic, though he feels exhausted. Two very different experiences, even for someone who has taken ayahuasca before.
The first ceremony of this retreat begins with an unusually long wait. Alain has taken ayahuasca before, but this time the familiar rhythm does not return. The second gong sounds and he still does not feel that the experience has begun. He tries to meditate. Doubts grow: he wonders whether the plant is rejecting him.
After a purge, he describes gradually relaxing. The journey comes late. It seems relatively short to him, but beautiful and intense, filled with geometric shapes and luminous perspectives. When the others get up, he still feels in the middle of the experience and stays quietly where he is.
The second night takes a different direction. This time, he feels connected very quickly. He describes different worlds, cities and beings, like variations of beauty and love. Then the intensity subsides. At that point, he feels very good and thinks the journey has ended.
He does not want another cup. Yet, once he lies down again, he feels the experience return almost immediately. Its intensity grows again, surprising him. Music has a central place in his account. He thanks the group for a night he describes as fantastic, while also saying how exhausted it has left him.
At the final sharing circle, Alain explains that he came with several intentions, then mostly let the plant guide him. He remembers the place of love in what he experienced. Questions remain. He says he needs time to integrate these nights and understand them better.
