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The first ceremony is not what Anouar expected. In the first sharing circle, he describes feeling very little, waiting a long time and eventually falling asleep. He hopes the second evening will be different. His story begins with that quiet start.
After the second ceremony, Anouar begins by apologising. During the ceremony he talked, made noise, and worried that he had disturbed other people. The group's response surprises him: several people tell him how good his smile made them feel. What he experienced as overflowing emotion was also received as a moment of joy.
On this ayahuasca retreat, after the second ceremony, Anouar discovers a side of himself he had not recognised. He thought of himself as closed, introverted, and sometimes cold. During one evening, he feels expressive, joyful, and connected to others. The next day, people in the group tell him how much his smile touched them. The joy he thought he had shown too freely becomes a part of himself he begins to welcome.
He explains that his name means light in Arabic. The word takes on a personal meaning: he recognises himself in this more luminous way of being, so different from the story he had told about himself. He describes a revelation and a release. The first evening, when he had felt little, had not suggested such an expressive experience would follow.
He also describes the support he received. The music touches him, gestures reassure him, and the team knows when to ask him to quieten down. In his account, gentleness and firmness belong together. He feels supported, including when he needs to step outside the room for a while.
After the third ceremony, in the final sharing circle, his experience is therefore about more than feeling joyful. It helps him see his image of himself differently and recognise what other people contributed to that shift. At the end of the stay, he thanks each person for what they brought to his journey.
On this ayahuasca retreat, reflecting after the third ceremony, Anouar describes a clear contrast: he arrived with enormous expectations and many blocks; now he feels lighter, calmer, and more open. He speaks of a freedom he wants to take into everyday life. He knows there are things he still needs to work on. But he feels ready to go home, confident that he can continue.
He does not search for a complicated formula to conclude. He speaks about what he experienced with the group and what will stay with him. The man who worried that he had smiled too much leaves recognising that this joy belongs to him too.
