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Pascale already knows retreats. She knows an experience can lead towards gentleness, but also towards fears she would rather not meet. During the first ceremony, one simple moment makes her proud: she listens to herself. When another serving is offered, she recognises that she is still in her journey and chooses not to return for more.
On this ayahuasca retreat, after the first ceremony, Pascale gives herself permission to follow her own pace. First she moves through a frightening phase, then feels she is still fully within her experience. When the second serving is announced, she does not automatically take it. She stays with what is happening inside her. That choice brings a simple pride: she has listened to herself.
The first evening leaves her with a rich inner dialogue, emotions, and moments of calm. She notices herself crying without knowing exactly what is being released. She also accepts that she does not have to explain everything. There is wonder, a wish to look at the sky, and the feeling that this experience was as it needed to be.
The second ceremony changes the tone of her retreat. In the second sharing circle, words become harder to find. Pascale describes an experience that goes beyond what she can grasp. She thought she knew this path, and now finds herself facing something new, between anxiety and trust. She feels a message of humility: her past experience does not mean she can control everything.
For the third ceremony, Pascale chooses not to take another journey. There is already a great deal to receive and make sense of. In the final sharing circle, she returns to the emptiness that frightened her during the previous experience, and also to that sense of vastness. She thanks the team for helping her come down from a panic attack. Her decision to stay with what she has already lived through is part of her reflections.
On this ayahuasca retreat, reflecting after the third ceremony, Pascale also notices what happens when people give and receive love. A workshop helps her feel how receiving can be harder than giving, and how others can offer support. Alongside a very demanding experience, she keeps this discovery: life can take on a different colour when people allow themselves to support one another.
She does not leave with a conclusion that closes everything. She knows she will need to integrate what she has been through. But she also describes the strength of the connections, her gratitude to the group, and her wish to return.
In Pascale's story, listening to herself sometimes means staying, sometimes declining another serving, and sometimes acknowledging fear. It can also mean accepting help and making room for what she does not yet understand.
