Koko kertomus
Dhenesh arrives with a list of intentions. He likes to think, understand, and prepare. Among the things he wants to explore are anger and hatred, long present in his life. He describes them as a shield that helped protect him. Now he would like to make more room for kindness and love.
During the first ceremony, an image stays with him: he sees that anger in what he has just expelled and inwardly hears that he no longer needs it. He wonders what comes from his mind and what comes from the experience. He does not claim the work is finished. The question remains, but another evening lets him approach it differently.
On this ayahuasca retreat, after the second ceremony, Dhenesh feels what he calls a bath of love. He connects that warmth to a discovery: he does not need other people's approval to begin loving himself. Having often sought recognition, he says he has touched the edge of his own self-love. He knows there is still a way to go. But this time he has felt something he had been searching for.
He speaks about teaching and research, his joy in learning, and his need to hear that his work is appreciated. During the ceremony, a question changes its place: what is he searching for? Love. And, in his experience, an answer comes: that love is also within him.
The discovery brings him back to his family. He recognises the love he has received from his partner over the years and the place he wants to take beside his children. He is no longer speaking only about finding something for himself. He wants to learn how to give it.
On this ayahuasca retreat, after the second ceremony, Dhenesh understands what he wants to share with his family: the love he has just felt. He thinks of his partner, beside him for years, and of his children. He wants to give them more of that love rather than keep seeking it only through other people's approval. As he leaves, one wish is very concrete: to go home, see them, and give.
He also describes perceptions connected to his ancestors. He feels he is exchanging love with them, then thinks about what he could pass on to his children. An invitation to meditate also returns during his experience: he wants to nurture this connection rather than let it belong only to one evening.
After the third ceremony, in the final sharing circle, Dhenesh also returns to his experience with Bufo and to other experiences during the retreat. He distinguishes them from what he experienced with ayahuasca. His reflections remain centred on love, what he has learned from everyone and his wish to pass it on. He knows fear, stress or anxiety may return; what he wants to keep is the presence of that love.
He leaves with what he has felt and with a direction he wants to nurture. The shield is no longer the only image available to describe himself. He has also found the image of a love that is present, that he wants to strengthen, and that he wants to share with those he loves.
