A história completa
At an ayahuasca retreat, Emeline describes a very difficult first experience. The following evening, she returns feeling stressed and reluctant. She takes part, then quickly feels a headache after the first cup.
Her first experience begins with beauty. Emeline listens to the instruments and voices, sways on her mat and enjoys the music. But she is waiting for something else to happen. Impatience and control begin to take up space.
After the second dose, she describes feeling imprisoned. She feels that she wants to let go but cannot. The pain is strong. The purging continues for a long time and leaves her with little sleep.
In the morning, she connects the experience with how hard she is on herself. She understands that she needs to care for herself and learn to give herself love. That realisation shakes her. She cries and asks a very concrete question: what can she do now with what she has just seen about herself?
For the retreat’s final ceremony, Emeline returns with apprehension. After the headache at the beginning, she inwardly asks for joy, gentleness and harmony. Then she tries to focus on the music and put into practice what she understood the day before.
Music then accompanies what she describes as calm after the storm. She lets herself resonate with the sounds. She discovers that an experience can also be gentle, that she does not always have to race ahead with hundreds of files open in her mind.
She sings with the group. At the final sharing circle, she gives thanks for a moment she finds extraordinary. The difficult first night remains part of her account; the last night also brings a new possibility she describes with gratitude: experiencing gentleness.
