The complete story
Éric had come looking for something that would heal him. He tells the circle that he was waiting for an answer from outside himself. He was exhausted from going round in his thoughts, contradictions and wounds. He knew things about himself but could not bring that understanding into his life. When people told him the journey would be long, he replied that he could not take any more.
On the final morning, he also looks at how he receives help. He recognises that he defended himself against advice and continued trying to stay in control. He wanted to hear something that would help, and his thoughts immediately took over again. He describes himself as having been on autopilot for too long. In recognising this, he is not yet presenting a solution. He is beginning to see what he was doing.
One phrase runs through his account: be quiet and feel. The day before, he had experienced it as an attack. The next day, he says he recognises the good intention behind it. The words no longer mean quite the same thing to him. He tries to hear them, to leave room for what he feels amid everything he explains. He thanks the people whose advice he had initially resisted.
Then Éric names a beginning: the journey starts now. Until then, he says, he had been waiting for something to come from outside. He understands that part of the work will have to come from him. That does not mean going on alone. He says he needs help, wants to find tools and draw on the openness he experienced with the group. The next integration meeting will also be a chance to see what he makes of this experience.
He had arrived waiting for an answer to be given to him. That morning, he speaks of taking part in what comes next, with help and time. In his account, we hear a beginning, still fragile, rather than a completed recovery. He does not yet know everything ahead of him. But he names what he wants to hold on to: the openness, the group, and that invitation to feel.
What Éric describes is his experience alone. Every person's journey is different. Thank you for listening. This was Ayahuasca Stories.
