The complete story
For Batiste, being in a group is not an ordinary situation. He explains that past experiences left him afraid of being attacked. His defences can become so strong that he cannot speak. Before this retreat, trust in other people and in life had become difficult.
The first ceremony is mainly physically demanding. In the first sharing circle, Batiste describes purging and feeling little beyond what was happening in his body. Then comes the second ceremony, which also begins with difficulty. After that phase, however, he feels peace and a freedom he struggles to measure.
On this ayahuasca retreat, after the second ceremony, Batiste dares to dance and sing when he had hardly ever dared to do either. After a difficult start to the evening, he feels comfortable, in his element, simply himself. He describes a wind of freedom blowing through his life. What touches him is also being able to share emotions with other people and feel hope returning.
He describes beautiful visions and feelings of peace. He also places Bufo among the experiences of the stay. What matters most to him is not a list of images: it is being able to feel emotion and affection where he previously experienced strong blocks.
A wish to help other people returns in his account. He had tried before but did not feel ready. At that point in the retreat, he says he feels more available to support others. He feels closer to what he truly wants and thanks the group for sharing these emotions with him.
On this ayahuasca retreat, reflecting after the third ceremony, Batiste finds hope again through the group. He had feared other people and struggled to trust them. As he leaves, he says he has never felt so much freedom, peace, and love as he did here. Not every difficulty has been resolved. But he wants to keep the memory of this moment for hard days: he knows what he was able to feel with others.
He also speaks about tears he had previously struggled to let come. This time, he describes them as tears of relief and happiness. In the final sharing circle, gratitude fills much of his account.
His chronic pain and some tension are still present. Batiste says so himself, without taking away from what he has experienced. He feels better than he did on arrival. This stay has given him a moment he can return to inwardly, and a wish to experience that kind of kindness again one day.
