The complete story
At an ayahuasca retreat, James struggles to connect during his first experience. He inwardly asks to be shown something, while accepting that nothing may appear. He leaves room for whatever comes.
After a purge on that first night, images appear when he closes his eyes. James describes a flower-of-life pattern, a shape like a peacock feather made of blue fire, then dark rocks with green light shining through them. Other shapes change colour. He uses those images to describe his perceptions.
The physical side of the experience also interrupts it. Stomach pain makes him go to the toilet repeatedly. He explains that those trips disconnect him from what he was seeing. His first sharing brings together those images and the body’s difficulties.
The second night begins quite well, with pleasant visions. Then a purge hurts him badly. He asks to take changa rather than a second dose of ayahuasca. He distinguishes that new stage in his account: a face seems to melt into colours, then corridors or tunnels of light appear.
He describes a strong sense of belonging to everything alive. Further into the experience, a white, almost empty space brings a feeling of complete peace. He says he no longer knows who he is and finds the experience difficult to process at the time.
When he needs to move, he does not always understand what is happening. Someone guides him back to his mat. Afterwards, he describes crying, laughing and smiling without being able to stop, happy to feel alive. At the second sharing circle, he tries to convey the intensity of that joy.
For the third night, he first describes pleasant floating after the first dose. He explains that he sought a less intense experience with changa because he is still processing the previous night. On the final morning, he is still processing what he has been through. The three nights have given him very different experiences to recount.
