The complete story
On arrival, the setting helps Ahmed relax after a long journey. He feels the effects of the first ceremony later in the evening. Later that night, he goes through an intense fear of losing touch with reality. In the first sharing circle, he describes changing place, writing and meditating to get through it. He is apprehensive about meeting that fear again in the next ceremony.
Between the first and second ceremonies, he also experiences moments of presence that surprise him. He describes a perception connected with his mother and recognises things to which he wants to bring forgiveness. At other moments, there are fewer thoughts in his mind and he enjoys feeling well in that inner quiet.
On this ayahuasca retreat, after the second ceremony, Ahmed describes a love that asks for nothing in return. He feels welcomed and thanks the team for attending to each person. What he remembers as a magical moment is being able to receive that presence without having to earn it. After a difficult first night, this other experience gives a very concrete place to the warmth of the people around him.
During the second ceremony, Ahmed’s emotions come out more freely. He explains how much other people’s gaze mattered to him and how carefully he calculated it. He can then show himself differently and dares to dance in front of the people there. In the second sharing circle, he describes that new freedom within the group.
In the third sharing circle, after the final ceremony, Ahmed returns to these words: come as you are. Being welcomed with strengths, flaws, fears and joys. Without having to perform. For him, that feeling of being accepted was a beautiful gift.
On this ayahuasca retreat, reflecting after the third ceremony, Ahmed discovers the pleasure of coming without a mask. In his final account, he thanks a group where people can speak about fears and joys without being judged on their performance. He says he felt welcomed and accepted there. What he wants to keep from these days together is the possibility of being present as he is and receiving love.
His thanks extend to the songs, the support, the meals, and the people who shared these days with him. Each presence mattered in the way he experienced the stay.
Ahmed does not yet know everything this experience will bring afterwards. What he can say as he leaves is already clear: he has known fear, but also a presence, a freedom, and a welcome he found profoundly beautiful.
