The complete story
At an ayahuasca retreat, Anas first describes pain after his first dose. At the next ceremony, he feels good from the beginning. He starts to drift into the experience as he hears the drum.
For Anas, the first ceremony is a new experience. At first, there is pain, but the visions have not yet arrived. Then, with his eyes closed, the darkness takes on colours. He describes geometric shapes and animals. The darkness seems wonderful to him.
Sensations in his belly repeatedly bring him back to his body. He describes the pain seeming to recede when he accepts it. After vomiting, he returns to the ordinary world. At the first morning’s sharing circle, he expresses gratitude for the group and the team.
The second ceremony begins well, but that feeling does not describe the whole night. Anas moves between wanting to enter the experience and feeling afraid. Discomfort returns. He prefers to stay outside because he worries about passing his distress on to others.
In those moments, knowing that people are looking after him reassures him. He calms down, dozes for a while, wakes and describes brief moments of connection. He also explains that he feared being forced back inside, while making clear that this was a fear within him and that he did not feel forced.
When he finally goes to bed, he rests well. At the next sharing circle, what he takes away includes that difficult night. He speaks about accepting that an experience can contain pleasant moments as well as painful ones. He gives thanks for the patience and care he received through it.
