The complete story
At an ayahuasca retreat, Anne first feels wrapped in a warm cocoon. Seeking to understand herself better, she also speaks of an inner puzzle. The beginning of this ceremony brings an unexpected sense of wellbeing.
On the first evening of the retreat, Anne is surprised by this comfort. She already knew that ayahuasca could involve discomfort. Here, at first, warmth surrounds her and she feels very good. After the second cup, the experience changes: pain returns in her throat, and her jaw and tongue become very present in her awareness.
She then describes feeling as though her body were paralysed. Accompanied outside, she feels as though she is giving birth, pushing to expel something. This is the image she uses to describe what she is going through. The experience is demanding, leading to a purge she describes in very strong terms.
On the second night, drinking feels difficult. The effects come quickly. She describes rainbows, then luminous gears fitting together. The images seem beautiful, but their psychedelic quality unsettles her. She finds herself asking to wait because she does not feel ready to be carried further.
She does not take a second dose. Afterwards, she reproaches herself for hesitating and imagines what might have happened differently. But she also says she is exhausted and acknowledges that resting did her good.
At the final sharing circle, Anne returns to her wish to understand herself better. She describes beautiful things appearing after a difficult passage on the third night. She felt as though she were looking at her life from the perspective of the soul and recognising the judgement she placed on certain wounds.
She deeply appreciates this ending to the retreat and thanks the group. For her, a process has begun and is still unfolding. As she prepares to leave, she nevertheless describes the retreat as fantastic.
